Many victims of narcissistic partners came seeking help, but only a few could obtain help as many of them were not financially independent or holding a strong false belief of correcting their narcissistic partner. Those who seek help overcame their problems and learned essential skills to protect them. All of them are leading a healthy, successful life socially, financially and family. The success rate is 100%.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Narcissistic Victim Syndrome (NVS) are relatively new terms for a common man. Ignorance about the incurable NPD and its affect on a victim coupled with strong religious and cultural beliefs makes it difficult for a victim to seek help. The detachment from the narcissist becomes too difficult for the victim as they live in the web created by their narcissistic partner. Identifying the severity of the NPD and making the decision to stay or leave the relationship.
Every narcissistic victim goes through a harsh and vindictive relationship and as a result, they lose their individuality and self-esteem in the process. They get attacked on their self esteem, dignity, confidence by their narcissistic partner. They became too dependent on their narcissistic partner and started to form a trauma bonding; they experience self-sabotage, self-deception and social anxiety. They lose their family and social connection. They start to form relationships approved by their narcissistic partner. They become manipulated and used by their narcissistic partner. They suffer from hurt, shame, low self-esteem, low confidence, learned helplessness, gaslighting, frustration, anger, fear, self-blame, ego issues. Other issues are stalk home syndrome, depressions, anxiety, stress, psychosomatic illnesses and attack by flying monkeys appointed by the narcissist. They lose their personal identity, unable to express their pain. They suffer from fear of relationship failure, fear of confrontation, fear of rejection, threatened by the power of their narcissistic partner and confusion. They suffer mental, emotional or physical abuse or all of them. Face insults and threats and feels isolated. The victims feel they have changed beyond recognition, believe that everything is their fault and feels remorse. The victims were confused about the different personalities their narcissistic partner shows or maintains at different events and people. Fear of hurting or disobeying their narcissistic partner or the fear of becoming a bad person in the eyes of other people, the victims tolerate every ill-treatment. They either lose jobs or fail to perform high in their career, not able to develop or grow personally or professionally because of self-doubt. The hyper-empathy or cultural, familial, social, or religious demands forced them to stay in a toxic relationship.
Individual and couple behaviour analysed and identified the gravity of the issues. Provided skills-based therapeutic counselling and cognitive behaviour strategies are used in making the victim realise their painful life situations. Confidence building, problem-solving and decision-making skills, handling tough and apathetic people, motivation building, relationship management and boundary settings were given, handling events assertively and learned how to say NO effectively, how to keep a detached attachment with the narcissistic partner by maintaining a safe, functional relationship intimacy position. Learning why, when and how to say NO, How to handle confrontation effectively, identifying the love bombing or silent treatments and handling them effectively. They were taught to becoming accountable for their approaches, why, when and how to detach and attach—understanding the flying monkey and their hidden motives—helped in restarting career or starting a new business and becoming successful in that. Understanding own rights and stand for their rights, Re-aligning the belief-behaviour and thinking pattern, replacing the faulty beliefs with new effective ones. Given emotional intelligence and perception management techniques. Used the advantage of neuroplasticity and built new neural pathways of effective habits. Application of gray rock approach, journaling, positive affirmation and self-talk, used karma and faith therapy, anxiety and stress alleviation therapy, solution-focused possibility thinking, SWOT analysis and risk aversion therapy. Divinity in humanity approach was used together with the power of the subconscious mind – the self-hypnotism, sub-conscious conditioning, suggestions and affirmations. Help was in building a career or financial independence, and guidance was given in developing self-love, self-dignity, self-control and self-protection techniques. Learned the application of the drama triangle, transactional analysis technique, perceptual positions, finding the WIIIFs and making emo-logical decisions. Learned to practice the lotus plant approach.
All the clients who complete the sessions were able to come out of their victimhood. Able to lead a confident and well-structured life. A couple of them started successful businesses. Only one marriage got dissolved as the victim decided to leave the relationship. They started to live a much better life with more familial, social support and becoming economically independent. Started new networking or reconnected with the old networks. They were feeling peace, happiness and success and self-esteem. They become confident in saying NO and setting the right boundaries, and many stated that the detached attachment techniques helped to maintain an unaffected working relationship more of a lotus plant manner.
The clients felt they regained their individuality. Some said they are lifelong grateful for the renewed life they received. For many, it was a re-birth and they said nothing is enough to pay back for the life they enjoy today. Some of them said it is now they started to enjoy the beauty of life and focus on their passion. They thanked Dr Susan for giving them a chance to live again with conviction and passion.